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tv   Late Night With Seth Meyers  NBC  October 26, 2016 12:37am-1:38am EDT

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[ cheers and applause ] ♪ >> announcer: from 30 rockefeller plaza in new york, it's "late night with seth meyers." tonight -- antonio brown, editor-in-chief of "vanity fair", graydon carter, from "snl", comedian pete davidson, music from lucius, featuring the 8g band with allison miller. ♪ [ cheers and applause ] ladies and gentlemen, seth meyers. >> seth: good evening. i'm seth meyers. this is "late night." how is everybody doing tonight? [ cheers and applause ] that is wonderful to hear. in that case, let's get to the news. officials have announced that healthcare costs under obamacare will rise by 25% next year. much more expensive than donald trump's healthcare plan, which is still just $12.99 a bucket.
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[ laughter ] the chicago cubs are in the world series this year, hoping to win their first championship in 108 years. just think in a couple of weeks the cubs could have won a world series and we could have a woman president. or they could both lose to a racist mascot. [ laughter and applause ] the indian is so much happier than he is. [ laughter ] vice president joe biden told reporters yesterday that he is considering getting involved in academia after leaving office and is in talks with a couple of major universities. when asked what he was thinking of teaching, biden said, "oh, i'm not teaching. [ laughter and applause ] i'm not going back to teach." a political science professor at suny-stony brook claims he has developed a new mathematical
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model that predicts donald trump will win the election. said trump, "mathematical model? she sounds ugly. hard pass." [ laughter and applause ] "i mean -- mathematical? no thank you." donald trump, today, criticized some of his republican primary opponents for refusing to endorse him, saying, quote, "i don't know how they live with themselves." said his opponents, "we don't, we live with our wives." [ audience ohs ] [ light laughter ] donald trump's campaign manager, kellyanne conway, appeared on trump's new facebook live show and said trump unequivocally will win the election. so look out cnn, there's a new, often wrong news channel in town. [ laughter and applause ] at a rally in florida yesterday, donald trump hugged a flag pole. but in his defense, he thought
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it was ann coulter. [ laughter ] "so nice to see you. you're dressed very patriotic." [ light laughter ] donald trump masks are currently out-selling hillary clinton masks by masks by 10% for halloween next week. and if you see someone at your halloween party wearing a tim kaine mask, that's tim kaine. [ laughter ] hundreds of harvard students staged a walk out this week in solidarity with university dining hall workers who are on strike. said harvard students, "you can't take advantage of them just because they went to yale." [ light laughter ] and finally, scientists have discovered that monkeys have the ability to make and use tools. so if you thought they were good at throwing poop before -- [ laughter ] ladies and gentlemen, we have a great show for you tonight. [ cheers and applause ] truly this is --
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when i -- i have a talk show. this is the kind of guests i most wanted to have when i got to host my own show. first we have the wide receiver for the pittsburgh steelers, my beloved pittsburgh steelers. antonio brown is here tonight. [ cheers and applause ] he is the editor-in-chief of "vanity fair" and his book "vanity fair's writers on writers" is out today. the fantastic graydon carter stops by. [ cheers and applause ] and he's one of our greatest young comedians working today. you know him from "snl", he has a new stand-up special on comedy central, and he's a great guy. pete davidson is joining us. [ cheers and applause ] how about that? plus music from a great band right here in brooklyn, lucius. so we have an absolutely -- [ cheers and applause ] outstanding show for you tonight. but before we get to that, as you probably know a presidential debate was held last wednesday in las vegas, but what you may not know is that another one is being held right here right now.
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that's right. i invited donald trump and hillary clinton to our studio and they're here and ready to go. so without further adieu, it's time for another "late night" presidential debate. ♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> seth: welcome to the "late night" presidential debate." i'm your moderator seth meyers. at this time we'd like to welcome both candidates to the stage. we'd like secretary clinton to enter with the confident smile of a winner and mr. trump to enter with the energy of a man forced to go to dinner with his wife's friends. [ applause ] perfect. let's get started. secretary clinton, the first question is for you. why do you think you and your husband are qualified to be in the white house? >> we've been around for 240 years.
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[ light laughter ] >> seth: mr. trump, based on everything you have seen so far, what do you think should happen in this election? >> my opponent should win this race. [ light laughter ] >> seth: secretary clinton, you attended donald and melania's wedding. i heard he wrote his own vows. do you remember what those vows were? >> you complain, i'll get you deported. [ laughter and applause ] >> seth: mr. trump, what's the most important skill you've learned since you started your campaign? >> about three months ago i started reading. [ laughter ] >> seth: wow. congratulations. has this made you sound any smarter? >> very much smarter. [ laughter ] >> seth: secretary clinton, can you name someone who has hands similar in size to mr. trumps? >> unfortunately dozens of toddlers. [ laughter ]
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>> seth: mr. trump, what do you have to say to the 14-year-old girls out there who might be offended by the misogynistic things you say? >> we'll see you in four years. [ audience ohs ] [ laughter ] >> seth: i may remind the audience to not make the "ooo" noise. [ light laughter ] mr. trump, if you had to crystallize it in one sentence, what is your stance on the hokie pokie? >> it's what it's all about. [ laughter ] >> seth: secretary clinton, what two words would you use to describe your husband when he was president of the united states? >> an eating machine. [ laughter ] >> seth: mr. trump, what do you think happens to people when they die? >> you go to florida. [ light laughter ] >> seth: mr. trump, what is your plan to help the african-americans and latinos in
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this country. >> those people? i don't know those people. [ laughter ] >> seth: secretary clinton, you're often critiqued for being over-scripted. will you ever do anything spontaneous? >> i have a plan for doing that. [ light laughter ] >> seth: mr. trump, where do dust bunnies come from? >> her and obama created this huge vacuum and a small group came out of that huge vacuum. [ laughter and applause ] >> seth: very helpful. good to know. secretary clinton, if you lose, what's going to happen to the people who didn't vote for you? >> we would then have to put them on trains, on buses to get them out of our country. [ light laughter ] >> seth: mr. trump, i heard that you shower in the dark. why do you do that? >> what i have seen, what have i seen is so bad. [ laughter and applause ]
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>> seth: mr. trump, i heard hillary made fun of you for talking like yoda. did she say she was sorry? >> apologize, she did. [ light laughter ] >> seth: sorry, she was. secretary clinton, what is the one thing you absolutely cannot do? >> talk briefly. >> seth: well that wasn't bad. all right, for this next section we will do it in the style of the classic game show, "the newlywed game." mr. trump, for ten points where is the craziest place you and hillary have made whoopie? >> in the back of an airplane on the tarmac in arizona. [ light laughter ] >> seth: let's see what she wrote! [ ding ] ♪ [ applause ] congratulations! you two love birds are going to niagara falls. moving on!
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mr. trump, your campaign has been faltering. you have been accused of sexual assault, yet your family stands by you. why? >> we give them 1.7 billion in cash. [ light laughter ] >> seth: secretary clinton, what do you think of old people falling down? >> it's funny, but it's also really troubling. [ laughter ] >> seth: i feel the same way. it's pretty funny, but it's troubling. but it's pretty funny. [ light laughter ] mr. trump, what should it say on your tombstone? >> proven to be a liar on many different ways. [ light laughter ] [ cheers and applause ] >> seth: and finally, we're going to close with the same question we always ask mr. trump. how's your penis? >> it's a disaster. [ laughter ] >> seth: oh, you're being hard on yourself. how's your penis? >> it's very sad. [ laughter ] >> seth: no. seriously how's your penis?
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>> it's probably gonna die. [ laughter ] >> seth: finally, mr. trump how's your penis? >> it's destroying our country. [ laughter ] >> seth: well, it looks like we're out of time. so on behalf of the candidates have a good night. we'll be right back with antonio brown. [ cheers and applause ] ♪ alright, how's this for a tv show. sous chef. lawyer by day, prep-cook by night. also, his name is sous. no. sloppy joseph. a middle-aged man who's trying to get his life together, but he can't - he's to sloppy. huhhh - no! here you go. i got this. i get cash back so it's like everything's on sale. with the blue cash everyday card from american express you get cash back on purchases with no annual fee. everything's on sale! a home shopping show takes place on a sailboat. that's the one! banana boat dessert on me. look at you being all lactose tolerant. it's more than cash back. it's backed by the service and security of american express. it'scan i get anyone a beer?
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♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> seth: welcome back, everybody. please, give it up for the 8g band right over there. [ cheers and applause ] also, back tonight with the band, she's an accomplished musician from new york city, one of our favorite guest drummers. please give it up for allison miller, everybody! [ cheers and applause ] be sure to check out allison's drumming tips over at reverb.com. it's always such a pleasure. allison, thank you so much for being here. >> thank you. [ applause ] >> seth: you guys our first guest tonight, is a four-time nfl pro bowler and a starting wide receiver for the pittsburgh steelers. please welcome to the show, antonio brown. [ cheers and applause ] ♪ ♪
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♪ >> seth: what are you -- are you going to do homework while you're here? >> no, i got -- i brought a little gift for you today. >> seth: what do we got? >> microsoft surface 4 pro. >> seth: oh, this is fantastic, with the steelers logo on the back. >> steelers, tight logo. >> seth: and you are working with microsoft, yes? >> yes. this is what we do for our team playbooks. >> seth: yeah. >> and we study on here. >> seth: so you didn't have to pay for it, really? it's a gift? like, microsoft probably just gave it to you? >> yeah, they gave it to me. >> seth: okay, good. [ laughter ] i don't want to, like, feel like have to then give you a gift because you just kind of got it for free. >> yeah. [ laughter ] >> seth: so i have to ask, how is business? >> booming. >> seth: business is booming. now, this is something. this is your catchphrase, that business is booming. >> yeah. >> seth: i know this because i follow you on social media because i'm that kind of fan. i would follow you physically if there was no social media. [ laughter ] so, when did you -- how do you come up with "business is booming" as a catch phrase? >> well, i was down in miami with khalid, you know. >> seth: with d.j. khalid.
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>> d.j. khalid. we were sitting there, talking, and he said, "you know what, antonio? it's time, i think, to take things to a new level." >> seth: uh-huh? >> i said, "it's time to make things start booming." >> seth: wow. [ laughter ] >> and we ran with it ever since. [ laughter ] >> seth: he seems like a very positive guy, d.j. khalid. >> he's really encouraging, man. >> seth: yes. >> a great friend. >> seth: i feel like no one would ever sit with him, and then, their catch phase would be, "business is okay." [ laughter ] so, i want to check in with this of course because i was watching the game last week, and you got a little banged up. >> yes. >> seth: you had to leave the game and came back in. how are you feeling? >> i feel good for the most part, but we got our ass kicked. >> seth: yeah. you played the new england patriots, and it was tough to watch. of course your a pro-bowl quarterback, ben roethlisberger, wasn't playing. is it hard? i thought landry jones, the backup, played well, but it must be hard to play without ben? >> it's always hard to play without ben, you know. ben is a hall-of-fame quarterback, and every time he's in the line-up, it gives the team so much confidence, but landry stepped in and did a great job. it wasn't enough for us to get the job done, so we're excited
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about the buy week to get everyone healthy and back, so we can get back on the right track. >> seth: now, you don't seem to be a guy that is short on confidence. >> yeah. >> seth: you don't strike me as someone who's short on enthusiasm. yeah. [ laughter ] that is not the hair cut of a man who lacks confidence. >> right. [ laughter ] >> seth: and, but you actually have gotten in trouble with the league. you received multiple fines and flags for celebrating after touchdowns. i would just like to show a quick highlight reel for maybe those who don't know your greatest hits. let's take a look at antonio celebrating. >> it almost figures. >> touchdown. oh my god. [ cheers ] >> touchdown pittsburgh! [ laughter ] >> antonio brown this time for the 44-yard touchdown. [ laughter ] you wonder how hines ward feels about that. [ laughter ] >> antonio brown! [ cheers ] he's a one man wrecking crew! touchdown steelers! [ cheers and applause ]
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>> seth: i mean, it's fantastic. >> yeah. >> seth: how -- i want to go through them a little bit. on the full flip, how much is that planned? >> it's not planned. it's all about, in that moment, you're just so excited. the energy from the fans yelling out loud, it just gives you an amazing feeling that you just do what you feel. >> seth: wow, because if they -- no matter how much they yell, that would not inspire me to be -- [ laughter ] and i would be like, i might do a fist pump maybe. [ laughter ] but, now that, you will not get a fine for the flip, but everything else we saw, you got a penalty flag. jumping on the goal post, now that one, do you wish -- looking back are you happy that you did that one? [ laughter ] >> that was a great moment, you know. [ laughter ] >> seth: did you -- in your head, did you think you'd be able to hold on to it? >> for a little bit. >> seth: yeah. [ laughter ] [ cheers and applause ] but, we saw -- you had some thrusts. you had an issue with thrusting. you scored -- this just happened on back to back monday night footballs this year. >> yeah. >> seth: opening season, we saw that you've had four thrusts i
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would say, maybe three or four thrusts. you got a penalty flag. you got a fine from the league. >> yes. >> seth: and there's actually a "key & peele," a fantastic sketch show, they have a sketch about how many thrusts is legal. and, you scored a touchdown later this year, and you tried to bring the thrusts down. what would you say you did the second time? >> i did two thrusts. >> seth: two thrusts. [ laughter ] but you still got a flag. >> i still got a flag. >> seth: so what -- has the league reached out to you to let you know what the thrust limit is? [ laughter ] >> i think there's no thrust limit. i just think you can't make it derogative where it looks bad. >> seth: yeah. >> where people watch. >> seth: well, yeah, when i'm watching at home, i just want you to know i'm thrusting constantly. [ laughter ] i can't stop. my wife says it's a problem. [ laughter ] so, you have four children, correct? >> yes. >> seth: and do they have an enthusiasm for football yet? >> i think they love it, you know? >> seth: mm-hmm. >> i think they see me play it. they're around it, so i think they enjoy it. >> seth: and they do seem to emulate you a little bit. here you are icing your knees, and it seems like your son just icing himself as well?
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>> yeah. [ audience aws ] auto's icing out with his dad. >> seth: and, which -- that's auto? >> autonomy. >> seth: autonomy? and, is this him as well? >> yeah. >> seth: because i really like this one. >> that's his younger brother, ali. [ audience aws ] >> seth: ali. there you guys go. and, who -- and this is -- is it true that you guys get your hair cut at the same place? >> yeah, same guy, nelly the barber. >> seth: there you go. look at that, side by side. [ audience aws ] um, but this, i want to show this instagram video real quick so we can show the exact skill level. obviously, it's in the family how well you guys are receivers. let's take a look. >> one. yay! [ applause ] >> seth: adorable children. >> thank you. >> seth: last thing i'm gonna ask you about because i actually believe we have something in common. you are an obsessive flosser. >> yes. >> seth: and, is it true? i have heard that you always have dental floss on you. >> it's my i.d. badge. >> seth: really? [ laughter ] >> yes. >> seth: and, is it -- do you have a container of dental floss? is that the thing? >> yes. >> seth: and, how often are you flossing? >> after every meal.
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>> seth: really? >> yes. >> seth: this is -- i love that you're -- you may be a spokes person for microsoft, but you're doing more for the dental association. [ laughter ] >> true. >> seth: and would you say this? the key, to children out there who are watching, the key to business being booming in the teeth is flossing after every meal? >> true. [ laughter ] always floss. >> seth: always floss. thank you for that message, and thank you so much for being here. i'll such a big fan. >> thanks for having me, seth. >> seth: keep business going. [ cheers and applause ] antonio brown everybody! we'll be right back with graydon carter. [ cheers and applause ] ♪ enjoy your phone! you too. (inner monologue) all right, be cool. you got the amazing new iphone 7 on the house by switching to at&t... what??.... aand you got unlimited data because you have directv?? okay, just a few more steps... door! it's cool
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>> seth: welcome back, everybody. our next guest is the editor and chief of vanity fair and the editor of the new book "vanity fair's writers on writers." please welcome to the show graydon carter. [ applause ] ♪ ♪ >> seth: how are you? >> i'm good. i floss as well, by the way. >> seth: you floss as well? >> fyi, yeah. >> seth: this is kind of -- tonight's kind of sponsored by flossing. >> yeah, i can tell that. >> seth: so this is a book where your writers that have written for vanity fair over the years, writing essays about writers. do you find writers have a great insight into how other writers work? >> some do. there's a lot of envy with writers from time to time -- >> seth: jealousy between writers -- >> yes, but in this case i think most of it is admiration for writers that have gone past, writers who are still working and this goes back to like
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1915 to the present day. >> seth: it's a fantastic book and it draws a lot from what makes vanity fair great and as the editor of vanity fair you recently wrote a letter in an issue, which was about your long history with donald trump. >> right. >> seth: you have a long contentious relationship with him. >> i do. [ laughter ] >> seth: when did you first cross paths with him? >> more than 30 years ago and i had done a long story on him for gq magazine and in the course of the story there was a lot of the things he didn't like about it when it was published and one of which was the fact that i noticed he had very small hands. they're very neatly groomed, though. [ laughter ] >> seth: the first person that noticed it! >> neatly groomed, thought, yes. so we used this in spy magazine in the 1980s and we called him -- we came up with these funny for people and we called him a short fingered vulgarian and spy and that drove him a little crazy but then for some reason a year ago, april, he sent me a tear sheet from an ad, less than 30 years old for the
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art of the deal and it's got a picture of him on it and he circles his hands in gold sharpie and he sent to me and says "see not so short." so i take a card, i staple it to the top and i write "actually quite short" and sent it back by return mail and i wrote about this in the magazine and somehow it got picked up during the campaign and it's part of the -- >> seth: it was the reason marco rubio started calling it out. >> yeah, i'm not proud of this, by the way. >> seth: no, it's all right, but are you -- the new york times just recently printed all the people he has tweeted negative things about since he announced, you're in there a bunch. >> i was an early tweeter. >> seth: you were -- yeah, he's attacked you often. is that something --does it hurt your feelings or is it a badge of pride for you? >> it hurt my feelings a bit in the beginning but then he realized after a year and a half he's assaulted everybody, but he called me sloppy, grumpy, dosey, dopey, sleepy and sissy. >> seth: oh wow! >> so it's like a 7 dwarves kind
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of situation. [ laughter ] >> seth: yeah, that's almost all of them. yeah. >> yeah. >> seth: and you have -- >> yeah. >> seth: but with that, you have known him all of this time, you know what he was, you obviously made these observations about him. with that said, are you surprised where this campaign has gone? did you think it would get this negative based on where it started? >> well back in the day, he was sort of like someone at a golf club that was sort of interesting at the end of a game and he was drinking a little too much and telling stories and sort of amusing and entertaining and something, whatever the donald trump we have today, this has been fermenting for a long time clearly because they didn't recognize him during this campaign, there was a much uglier version of the person i saw. >> seth: because despite -- >> the original version was not that attractive to begin with. >> seth: yes, but this is interesting because i didn't realize this to be true. [ cheers and applause ] despite that and despite you sort of butting heads with him very early in your career, you went to one of his weddings.
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>> he invited me to two. i went to the one because it was quite easy, two miles, the one with marla maples it was in an afternoon at the plaza hotel, i could get there by cab. i was in and out in an hour and a half, it was like going to a watch lunch -- >> seth: uh-huh, i feel like you're making a big deal of how little you were at the wedding. [ laughter ] >> i think i -- i wanted to be respectful. he invited us to one in florida recently and i thought if i went my name might get in the papers but my friends would never speak to me again but i really wanted to see that one. >> seth: doesn't that speak to, obviously so you have this -- you know you were at lagerheads with him. and then yet he still invites you to his wedding. doesn't that speak to the fact that when this is all over, he's going to feel like he can just go back to having the same relationships. >> no, we didn't have a relationship, i became the editor of vanity fair and it was useful to him to try to win he back. >> seth: gotcha. i see. >> and i wrote recently about the fact that we took him as a novelty guest and the way this correspondents dinner, news organization bring novelty guests as their guest, so i
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brought him as my novelty guest in 1993 and i hadn't seen him there again until that famous night when you hosted. >> seth: 2011. you were sitting very close to him because you're in the shot when it cuts to him not enjoying the president's -- >> right, one minute he -- he was sitting there stony as the president --just very a beautifully -- and he was just sitting stony-faced like an easter island statue. everybody else at the table was laughing which must have made it a hundred times worse. >> seth: now i have to ask, with your proximity to him was it more interesting to watch people tell jokes about him or did you find yourself just watching him listening to jokes? >> i was like ping ponging, just watching back and forth. >> seth: yeah. >> you'd say something and watch his reaction. his reaction never changed, it was like a hood ornament. [ laughter ] >> seth: the other thing, of course, is that you have a restaurant. >> i do. >> seth: waverly inn. >> part owner, yes. >> seth: part owner, but he has commented negatively about the waverly inn. >> yes. >> seth: and you have it on your menu. >> we do.
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>> seth: so when you go to waverly inn and you see the menu, it has donald trump, worst food in the city. [ laughter and applause ] >> now of course he's never been to the restaurant but we take great pride in it, i mean there are nights when the food isn't so great, but it never quite hits those depths. >> seth: yes. this was -- you mention spy magazine which was a great magazine back in the 80s and was it through spy magazine that you sent checks out to people or was it something you did on your own. >> yeah, i took an idea from a friend of mine in canada who said, "why don't you get billionaires to sign really small checks?" >> seth: so, explain how this works. >> okay, we chose 60 rich people in new york and we sent them checks for $1.11 and the ones that cashed that, we thought okay, let's see if they'll cash it. go to the trouble of endorsing and cashing a 64 cent check. so we did the 64 cent check. and then we -- >> seth: how many people signed it? >> 30. >> seth: okay. >> and then we sent out checks for 11 cents to people -- 13 cents and only two people signed that and went through all the trouble getting them back.
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one was adem kashawgie, a famous arms dealer of the day and the other was donald trump. we couldn't believe our good fortune. [ laughter ] >> seth: so, he was endorsing. so for a man -- >> a 13 cent check. >> seth: yeah, so he either is a billionaire because -- >> you have to respect that in a certain way. >> seth: i do have to respect his value of money but it does make me think he's maybe not quite as rich as he thinks he is. [ laughter ] if he says, "oh 13 cents for nothing, yes sir!" >> they add up, though. >> seth: they add up, i guess if you get enough 13 cent checks, they do add up. thank you so much for being here, congratulations on the book. always a pleasure to you see you. always a pleasure to talk to you. graydon carter everybody. vanity fair's "writers on writers" is available in stores now. be right back with pete davidson. [ cheers and applause ] ♪ ♪ ooh, why the phelps face? old computer slowing you down? is it a real drag?
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i love that! guys, i'll be writing code that helps machines communicate. (interrupting) i just zazzied you. (phone vibrates) look at it! (friends giggle) i can do dogs, hamsters, guinea pigs... you name it. i'm going to transform the way the world works. (proudly) i programmed that hat. and i can do casaba melons. i'll be helping turbines power cities. i put a turbine on a cat. (friends ooh and ahh) i can make hospitals run more efficiently... this isn't a competition! redid you say 97?97! yes. you know, that reminds me of geico's 97% customer satisfaction rating. 97%? helped by geico's fast and friendly claims service. huh... oh yeah, baby. geico's as fast and friendly as it gets. woo! geico. expect great savings and a whole lot more. when you ache and haven't you're not you. tylenol® pm relieves pain and helps you fall fast asleep and stay asleep.
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i've seen what can happen as the result of hate. my son matt was murdered in laramie, wyoming, in 1998. he was befriended by two men in a bar who pretended to be gay. they offered him a ride home, and when he was in their car, they robbed him and beat him. they drove matt out to the prairie and tied him to a split-rail fence, then beat him some more and left him for dead. in the aftermath of matt's death,
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my family saw the best of america in the love and support we were shown. so when i see the hate that donald trump has brought to his campaign for president, it terrifies me. i'd like to punch him in the face, i'll tell ya. ahh, i don't know what i said, uhh, i don't remember. he's a mexican. i could stand in the middle of fifth avenue and shoot somebody, and i wouldn't... words have an influence. violence causes pain. hate can rip us apart. i know what can happen as the result of hate, and donald trump should never be our president. priorities usa action is responsible for the content of this advertising. ♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> seth: welcome back to late night, everybody. our next guest is a comedian who you know from his work as a cast member on saturday night live. his hour long stand up special "pete davidson smd" premieres october 29th on comedy central. please welcome back to the show our friend pete davidson.
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[ applause ] ♪ ♪ >> seth: how are you my friend? >> i am well. >> seth: it's so wonderful to have you in the building. i know this is a hiatus week for you on snl so thank you for making the time for me. >> oh -- it's great. >> seth: and this is very exciting, you have been on comedy central before for the roast. you did the bieber roast fantastic rob lowe roast but now you have an hour long comedy central special, that's fantastic. congratulations. >> thank you, i'm excited. >> seth: i want to ask why it's called "smd." >> uh, okay. uh, so what smd really means is suck my [ bleep ]. [ laughter ] >> seth: okay. >> but it also happens to be my dad's initials -- >> seth: oh, gotcha. >> and luckily he died so i asked comedy central, i was like, "can i call it smd" and they were like, "absolutely not." and i was like, "it's my dead dad's initials" and they were like, "okay."
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[ laughter ] so now i have a billboard. >> seth: what a loving tribute. >> they have a billboard that's tell the city to suck my [ bleep ]. [ laughter ] >> seth: i think he's so proud of you. and here you are -- there you are, that's obviously you laughing at what you pulled off. [ laughter ] >> yep. >> seth: but then, pete, here you are, you made your mother take a picture in front of it. why did you do that? [ laughter and applause ] >> i don't know. >> seth: but your mother who is a lovely woman, she was backstage, i've met her a bunch of times. she's so supportive of you and yet a lot of your comedy is a little -- >> bad, yeah. >> seth: is she -- do you ever worry about her reaction to it? has she ever had a negative reaction to it? >> no, i think she's just happy i'm not like, you know, selling weed. >> seth: oh, i got you. >> yeah. [ laughter ] >> seth: she'll take a dirty joke or two. >> she would take like, you know -- she would be happy if i was anything. [ laughter ] she's very, all for it. >> seth: that's great, that's fantastic. so, the other thing i want to ask is you're from staten island. >> oh, yeah. >> seth: and i have historically found people that are from staten island are incredibly
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proud of it, they identify with it. you are not -- that is not you. >> no, i had a really rough time in staten island. i said some pretty harsh things. i said like "i hope a tidal wave takes out the whole island and they all die." [ laughter ] i don't really want them all to die, obviously. it was just like i had a really rough time there. i know, it's not exactly the best place right now, there's a lot of racism and hate over there. i understand if you live there it's not -- it's not all bad people. >> seth: well cause colin jost, the weekend update anchor, he was from staten island, he loves it. >> yeah, he was from a nice part of staten island. [ laughter ] >> seth: i see. so that i guess is the distinction, is there are nice parts of staten island. >> there's one nice part of staten island and colin grew up there and the rest is pretty awful. [ laughter ] >> seth: the rest is sort of surrounding it. >> but yeah, i definitely don't want everyone there to die. >> seth: that's nice for you to clear that up for everybody. [ laughter ] so i noticed -- i knew you had tattoos before but you have a lot more. >> yes --
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>> seth: when did you up your tattoo game. >> um, over the summer. >> seth: you pretty much sleeved both arms. >> yeah, i left the show with no sleeves and then came back with with sleeves. >> seth: and what was -- did you just go tattoo crazy this summer? >> i don't know, i really liked them. they're cool. >> seth: okay. >> yeah, i don't know. i don't know, i like them. >> seth: that's good. do you have -- are they cool things? do you have cool things? >> i have my dad's helmet, i have like a bunch of harry potter crap, which here's the thing about the harry potter crap, at the time it seemed like a good idea but like -- but like what if like one of the people on the cast is like a sex offender later on, you know? [ laughter ] >> seth: oh, you mean someone in the harry potter movie. >> yeah, it's a huge cast so if someone comes out as -- i'm screwed. >> seth: are you saying -- are you talking about all the people in the 80s who got bill cosby tattoos. >> yeah. >> seth: yeah. [ laughter ] >> there's someone out there with a dope bill cosby tattoo. >> seth: what about the guy who has a cosby and a jared and he's
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just like "oh, man." >> i don't know. >> seth: he had weird things he liked beforehand too. um, i heard that you used to just leave your door open at your apartment. you were a very good friend, you would let friends just crash there. >> yeah i have friends. [ laughter ] i do surprisingly. >> seth: yeah, seriously. >> i have a couple and they come over. like they work in a city but they live in staten island so -- or brooklyn so whenever they work in the city, i usually leave my door open, if they like need to take a nap or like [ bleep ] >> seth: that's incredibly nice of you. >> yeah until like -- you know, you don't know how you're going to feel every day, so sometimes you go home and you just want to be alone and then you see three friends on the couch and they're like, "what's up!" and i'm like, "hey." so now i started locking my door. >> seth: okay, there you go. did you at least tell them so they don't get all the way to the apartment? >> no, i kind of want them to figure it out for themselves. [ laughter ] >> seth: it's a life lesson for them. >> that way they learn. >> seth: so i thought -- i know you also got your girlfriend's name tattooed.
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>> yep. >> seth: there you go. so fingers crossed on her. >> absolutely. right yeah. >> seth: but she is lovely. i know her as well. and you -- she is larry david's daughter. >> yes. >> seth: you met her because he was doing -- >> didn't know someone like old me could pull that, huh? [ laughter ] that's right. staten island trash, baby. that's right. >> seth: you used to say in high school, "i'm going to date the daughter of the guy who created seinfeld." [ laughter ] >> yes, those exact words. >> seth: but you met her because he was doing bernie sander's and hosting -- is he excited? is he happy that? >> well, i'd say it's not like we were best buds and then i was like, "what's up with your daughter?" [ laughter ] she's 22, i'm 22, we met -- she's supposed to be dating someone my age, right? >> seth: right. it would be weird if she was dating jason alexander. >> that would be very creepy. >> seth: yeah, this is perfectly appropriate. well, i'm glad to hear you guys are still together. she's a lovely girl. >> she's the best, i love her so much. >> seth: you're a lovely guy. congratulations so much on the
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special, i can't wait to see it and it's always a delight. give it up for pete davidson, everybody. >> thank you everybody. >> seth: "smd" which is his father. "smd," your father. >> it's my dad! >> seth: october 29th on comedy central, we'll be right back with music from lucius. [ cheers and applause ] ♪ ♪ ♪i will follow you, ♪ever since you touched my hand i knew♪ ♪i love you, i love you, i love you.♪ ♪where you go i'll follow, i'll follow, i'll follow.♪ ♪you'll always be my true love, my true love, my true love,♪ ♪forever ♪
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as have blood, liver, and nervous system problems, serious allergic reactions,... ...and new or worsening heart failure. before treatment, get tested for tb. tell your doctor if you've been to areas where certain fungal infections are common, and if you've had tb,... ...hepatitis b, are prone to infections, ...or have flu-like symptoms or sores. don't start humira if you have an infection. if you're still just managing your symptoms, ask your gastroenterologist about humira. with humira, remission is possible. can i get anyone a beer? make it a redd's apple ale! redd's apple ale. also for a limited time in ginger apple. the image on the surface book, transports you into the world which is our main goal as animators and you can actually touch the screen... you can't do that on a mac. alright, how's this for a tv show. sous chef. lawyer by day, prep-cook by night.
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also, his name is sous. no. sloppy joseph. a middle-aged man who's trying to get his life together, but he can't - he's to sloppy. huhhh - no! here you go. i got this. i get cash back so it's like everything's on sale. with the blue cash everyday card from american express you get cash back on purchases with no annual fee. everything's on sale! a home shopping show takes place on a sailboat. that's the one! banana boat dessert on me. look at you being all lactose tolerant. it's more than cash back. it's backed by the service and security of american express.
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no warning, no hearing. it's a lending practice sorcing it'soutrageous, most states banned it. but at the bank founded by pat toomey it was business as usual. forcing small business owners out of their homes. toomey even used his power in the senate to help himself, voting to gut rules that protect us and crack down on big banks. pat toomey. out for himself, not us. dscc is responsible for the content of this advertising. ♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> seth: tomorrow night, my next guest kicks off a national tour in buffalo, new york to support their latest album, "good grief." performing "gone insane," please welcome to the show, lucius. [ cheers and applause ] ♪ m my stomach's turning
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my head is in my hands don't know where this ends ♪ ♪ my fists are clenched and i'm so angry with you ♪ ♪ you say that i'm the one who's gone insane oh i'll just be the one who's gone insane ♪ ♪ my heart's so heavy i'm gonna need your help losing my grip while holding everything else ♪ ♪ my fists are clenched and i'm so angry with myself the time we share is in the suffering ♪ ♪ we're all alone in this togetherness ♪ ♪ go on call me the one who's gone insane oh i will be the one who's gone insane ♪ ♪ go on call me the one who's gone insane oh i will be the one who's gone insane ♪
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♪ ♪ my vision's cloudy can't seem to find my way around the what's been said ♪ ♪ you're throwing words like darts at my head i've been your target many times before ♪ ♪ i don't even feel them anymore ♪ ♪ you can't call me the one who's gone insane cause we know you're the one who's gone insane ♪ ♪ go on call me the one who's gone insane oh i will be the one who's gone insane ♪ ♪ i'm not the only one to blame no i'm not the only one
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to blame no ♪ ♪ i'm not the only one to blame just keep calling me insane ♪ ♪ i don't want to be the one be the one who's insane ♪ ♪ i'm not the only one i'm not the only one just keep on calling me insane ♪ ♪ i don't want to be the one be the one who's insane i'm not the only one who's insane ♪ ♪ keep on calling i don't want to be the one be the one who's insane ♪ ♪ i'm not the only one who's insane i'm not the only one ♪ ♪ whoa ♪ i don't want to be the one be the one who's insane ♪ ♪ i'm not the only one who's insane i'm not the only one ♪ ♪ whoa whoa ♪ ♪ i don't want to be the one be the one who's insane ♪ ♪ i'm not the only who's insane i'm not the only who's insane ♪ ♪ i'm not the only one just keep on calling me insane ♪
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♪ keep on calling me insane keep on calling me insane i'm the one who's gone insane ♪ ♪ oh i must be the one who's gone insane lord call me the one who's gone insane ♪ ♪ oh i can't be the one who's gone insane oh i can't be the one who's gone insane ♪ ♪ oh i can't be the one who's gone insane oh i can't be the one who's gone insane ♪ ♪ oh i can't be the one who's gone insane oh i can't be the one who's gone insane ♪ ♪ ♪ oh i can't be the one who's gone insane oh i can't be the one who's gone insane ♪ oh i can't be the one who's gone insane ♪ [ cheers and applause ]
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>> seth: lucius, folks! the album, "good grief," is out now! we'll be right back! [ cheers and applause ]
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robert kearney: i fought for my country in kosovo and iraq, and i've been a republican all my life. but i'm the father of three girls. i can't stand hearing donald trump call women pigs, dogs, and bimbos...and i sure don't want my daughters hearing it. i want my girls to grow up proud and strong, in a nation where they're valued and respected. donald trump's america is not the country i fought for. so, i'm voting for hillary clinton. hillary clinton: i'm hillary clinton and i approve this message. ♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> seth: my thanks to antonio brown, graydon carter, pete davidson, lucius everybody! [ cheers and applause ] allison miller and, of course, the 8g band. stay tuned for carson daly. we'll see you tomorrow. [ cheers and applause ]
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♪ ♪
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♪ ♪ >> carson: good evening, and welcome to "last call." i'm carson daly, and we have a fine show heading your way, including a spotlight on "graves" star skylar astin, the music tonight of bomba estereo.

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